The Effects Of Divorce On Children

God designed marriage to be for life.(Matt. 19:6) God’s overall view of divorce is that He hates it.(Mal. 2:16) However, if a mate’s spouse commits fornication, God allows the innocent mate to divorce the guilty spouse and remarry without sin.(Matt. 5:31,32; 19:9; Mk. 10:11-12; Luke 16:18)

So many people in our country have either never heard or read those passages, or disregard them as irrelevant if they have. Divorce is rampant. Many divorce for no reason except they are tired of living with their present spouse. When such remarry they commit adultery.(See above passages.) While God gives a mate whose spouse commits adultery the right to divorce and remarry, even then one does not necessarily have to exercise that right. Genuine repentance on the part of the guilty spouse and longsuffering and forgiveness on the part of the offended spouse can go a long way in keeping a marriage in tact, even following the heartache of an adulterous affair. It would seem that this is especially important if children are involved.

God’s pattern for rearing children is for them to have their own mother and father. However, because of recalcitrant immoral mates, innocent spouses have no choice except to divorce and rear their children as single parents. On other occasions spouses whose mates sought divorce when no fornication was involved and when they themselves did not desire divorce are still left with the task of rearing children alone. More times than not custody is awarded to the mother, leaving little or no contact with the father. Given the character of some fathers, this is good.

God’s pattern can not be improved upon. A child needs both parents. Recently one attended a class on human development for elementary certification in which a counselor gave a number of statistics concerning the effects of divorce on children. Here are the statistics.

Children need their Fathers

*Nearly 4 out of every 10 children are being raised without a father.

*Among long-term prison inmates, 70% grew up without a father, as did 60% of rapists and 75% of adolescents charged with murder.

*Fatherless children are 3 times more likely to fail at school, require psychiatric treatment, and commit suicide before the age of 18.

*They are also 40 times more likely to experience child abuse than children in 2-parent homes (due to increased stress on the mother and increased time left with other relatives or friends).

Effects of Divorce

*63% show some sort of psychological problem (anxiety, sadness, moodiness, phobia, and depression) to a much greater extent than children with other types of problems.

*56% have poor grades or a significant drop in grades compared to

before-divorce figures.

*43% show increased aggression toward parents.

Effects on Female children:

Among teenage and adult females whose parents divorced when they were children:

*Most suffered lower self-esteem.

*Most were precociously involved in sexual relations.

*Many had delinquent-type behavior.

*Most had difficulty with the trust of a partner and consequently difficulty establishing and maintaining a lasting adult heterosexual relationship.

Statistics

*In 1995, 18.9 million children lived with only one parent (27%) and 60% of those were with their mother.

*Of children living with one parent, 38% lived with a divorced parent (as opposed to a parent who was widowed or had a spouse working over-seas, etc)

*4 million children live with their grandparents. In only 1/2 of the cases, one parent also lives there and in 37% neither parent was there.

*Most single-parent children live in metropolitan areas (14.5 million).

*Nearly 60% living with only their mother were at or below the poverty line.

*Children living with a divorced father were more likely to be a part of a family with a higher median income than those with mom.

*85% of fathers granted custody of children were white rather than black.

*Most fathers granted custody were older than their wives.

*Most custodial fathers were better educated than their wives.

*Children are 70% more likely to experience criminal acts (abuse, rape, etc) when living with a step-father.

*Children who are murdered by a parent are 99% more likely to be murdered by a step-father than a biological parent or step-mother.

1. Before marriage, choose one to marry who is a Christian and who is deeply convicted as to the permanence of marriage.(Matt. 19:6) Be convicted yourself!

2. Do not let "divorce" be a part of our vocabulary when discussing your own marriage.

3. Carry out God’s word relative to how we should treat our mates.(Matt. 7:12; I Cor. 7:1-5; Eph. 5:22-34; Col. 3:18-19; I Pet. 3:1-7; Proverbs & Song of Solomon) Again, God’s word on this subject makes for the happiest of marriages when both mates work God’s plan.

4. Realize that any marriage, even between people who serve the Lord, requires work. Sacrifices, communication, and consideration of the other mate’s feelings must be paramount. Otherwise, enticements of the world can tempt one or both parties to divorce.

5. Learn to apologize. We all make mistakes. Take full responsibility for your actions.

6. Learn unselfishness. Most problems occur in marriages because one wants his/her way to prevail without consideration of the other. When a couple has children and a mate divorces for no reason, or commits adultery, is obstinate, etc. and children are going to suffer, but the man/woman insists on his/her course of action, such a person is nothing but selfish! He/she is only thinking of him/herself.

Let us make our marriages as God planned and revealed in His word for our good here and in the hereafter, as well as for our children.

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A Question About Bankruptcy

by Greg Gwin

Answer: Declaring bankruptcy is an increasingly common practice. Statistics indicate that Americans are buying more and more on credit. This often leads to a situation where people become unable to repay their debts.

The term "bankrupt" is applied when one is "not able to pay one's debts and is freed by law from the need for doing so" (Webster). It is understood that there are different types of bankruptcies. Some are designed to simply give the debtor more time to repay and provides court supervision for doing so. However, our study here involves the type whereby one takes steps to be declared legally free from his debts. He has no intention to ever repay them.

While our civil laws allow for this practice, we must be concerned if it is a practice that God authorizes (Col. 3:17). Remember that man's laws often allow what God's law condemns (i.e., abortion, drinking alcohol, gambling, etc.). A consideration of a few simple Bible verses can supply the answer to our question:

These verses demonstrate that we must pay our debts. To do otherwise is sinful.

Many Bible verses command us to be honest:

If we buy on credit, making a promise to pay back what is borrowed, and then take "legal" steps to avoid doing what we have promised to do, how can we be called "honest?"

The practice of "declaring bankruptcy" is a clear violation of "The Golden Rule." "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them . . ." (Matthew 7:12 KJV)

If the roles were reversed, would you want someone who owed you money to "declare bankruptcy"?

Finally, this action, though "legal," clearly damages one's reputation and influence. It brings reproach on the Lord's church.

"Giving no cause for offense in anything, in order that the ministry be not discredited, but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God . . ." (2 Corinthians 6:3,4 NASB)

In view of plain Bible teaching, "declaring bankruptcy" is not an option for Christians.